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Translator: Silavin
Lei Gong: The Lightning Bead. Made from gathering 18 lightning bolts from different deities of Lightning and Thunder. On sale now!
Upon entering the group chat, Lin Hai noticed that Lei Gong was in the midst of selling some things.
Li Jing: 80 merit points
Ne Zha: 180 merit points
Li Jing: @Ne Zha, 280 (Angry emoji)
Ne Zha: 380
Li Jing: @Ne Zha, You’re so stupid, that’s the price of a whole family’s yearly income! (String of angry emojis)
Lei Gong: Haha, you guys are so funny. Hurry and pay up! (Laughing emoji)
Xiao Hutu Xian: Looking to buy medicine that can treat patients in a vegetative state.
Lin Hai sent out the message.
Erlang Shen: Vegetative state? What’s that, is it a vegetable deity?
Chang Er: Not sure, never heard of it before.
Zhu Bajie: For plants, please look for a professional @Wu Gang
Wu Gang: @Xiao Hutu Xian, tell me, who do you want me to kill? You can pay me after the job’s done.
Lin Hai: …
The people in High Heaven Trading Circle really don’t know what a vegetative state is.
Lin Hai: [Oh right! I’m friends with the Monkey King, perhaps I could ask him for help?]
“Great King, are you there? I need your advice on the situation.” Lin Hai sent Monkey King the message.
A minute passed and no reply.
5 minutes passed and still no reply.
10 minutes.
20 minutes.
“Oh, I guess the Monkey King isn’t there after all.” Lin Hai kept his phone.
Feeling a little hungry, Lin Hai headed to the alley behind the school to have a bowl of noodles. After eating, he decided to walk around for a little while.
As he was walking, Lin Hai looked up. There was a bald head with 2 sidekicks dressed in floral heading towards him.
“Crap, it’s baldie!” Lin Hai was shocked.
He was too close. There was no time to run away.
[Fuck, let’s hope this works.] Lin Hai thought.
“Hey! Qiang Ge! We meet again!” Lin Hai jumped in front of baldie, scaring him in the process.
“You crazy! Fuck! It’s you…” Baldie recognized Lin Hai and grabbed his collar tightly.
“Fucker played me at the pub! I’ll kill you!”
“Wait a minute!” Lin Hai shouted anxiously,
“Played you? Where is this coming from? Qiang Ge, I practically worship you!”
“You still won’t admit that the song you dedicated to me was a song a father would sing to his son?” Qiang Ge asked angrily.
“Yes, but what’s the problem?” Lin Hai acted confused.
“Damn it, so aren’t you trying to imply that I’m your son?” Qiang Ge shouted.
“Shit, I didn’t mean it like that Qiang Ge!” Lin Hai looked extremely wronged.
“Everyone knows that’s you, Qiang Ge, are willing to do anything for your brothers, just like how a father protects his son. I was just trying to express this.” Lin Hai explained.
“Fuck, what the hell are you talking about?” Baldie Qiang eyed Lin Hai suspiciously.
“Qiang Ge, think about it. If I were really playing you then what would my reaction have been when I first saw you today?”
“Please, you would have run away! Otherwise, I would have beaten you to death!” Baldie Qiang replied.
“That’s just it, did you see me run? If I were really playing you, would I have voluntarily came to say hi? Don’t be stupid.” Lin Hai shrugged.
“Fuck, you’re right.” Baldie Qiang said as he rubbed his head.
“This is what really happened, Qiang Ge. Take a step back and look at things, even if you don’t believe me, you’ll trust your own intelligence right? How many people on this planet would be able to fool someone like you?” Lin Hai continued to convince Qiang Ge.
“You’re right!” Baldie Qiang nodded his head in agreement and loosened his grip on Lin Hai’s hand.
Qiang Ge slapped his 2 men on the back of their heads.
“Damn it, you nearly allowed me to beat up my brother here.” Qiang Ge scolded.
The second guy cowered in fear, feeling extremely wronged.
“Crap looks like I did it.”
Lin Hai sighed a breath of relief and quickly changed the subject.
“Qiang Ge, where are you bringing your brothers to today?”
“Jiang Nan University to look for some punk named Lin Hai.”
[Shit!] Lin Hai choked.
“Ah, Jiang Nan University is just around the corner. I have some things to attend to, I shan’t disturb you, Qiang Ge.”
“Alright, go, go.”
Baldie Qiang bid Lin Hai farewell and continued walking with his men in tow.
[Fuck, what is this? Baldie Qiang is looking for me?] Lin Hai cursed. [Looks like I can’t go back to school…]
‘Ding Dong!’
The sound of an incoming WeChat message.
Yu Tu sent a message.
Yu Tu: Great Immortal, I see that you’re looking for medicine that can cure a patient who is in a vegetative state?
“Yes, do you have any?” Lin Hai felt a surge of happiness.
“If you don’t mind me asking, what is a vegetative state?”
Lin Hai couldn’t help but roll his eyes.
It was expected. If the deities didn’t know what a vegetative state was how would Yu Tu, a pet rabbit, know?
“A person is in a vegetative state when he or she is still alive but unable to wake up.” Lin Hai explained simply.
“Oh, then it’s likely due to the separation of one’s body and soul. I often help Lao Zi in his pharmacy, I’ll help you ask him what medicine would be effective.” Yu Tu offered.
“Great, thank you so much!” Lin Hai was elated, who knew that someone like Yu Tu would have this kind of connections.
Seems like looks can be deceiving.
“Oh yeah, do you have anything that can help someone improve his physical fitness quickly?” Lin Hai asked anxiously upon remembering baldie’s quest in finding him.
“I don’t. I’m merely just a pet, I wouldn’t have that sort of treasure.” Yu Tu sent a sad emoji,
Ugh! Lin Hai sighed in frustration.
“Golden Flower Boy gave me a pill that he was experimenting with. It’s a Resurrection Pill but the effects are pretty weak, probably more suited for mortals.”
“What!” Lin Hai jumped.
“Shit, I need the pill for regular mortals.”
What a great turn of events.
“I want the Resurrection Pill, send it to me quickly.” Lin Hai demanded.
“Great Immortal, why do you want such trash?”, asked Yu Tu.
“Stop speaking nonsense, hurry up.”
“Ok.”, Yu Tu conceded.
Ding Dong!
Yu Tu sent Lin Hai one Resurrection Pill.
“Haha, thank you.”
Yu Tu: Great Immortal, that’s 10 merit points (3 shy emojis)
Lin Hai: …
Yu Tu: Fine, 5 will do (3 teary-eyed emojis)
Lin Hai: I don’t even have 1
Yu Tu: Great Immortal, you can’t bully me, a small rabbit (3 crying emojis)
Lin Hai broke out into cold sweat. Just then he noticed a vegetable store next to him selling carrots.
Lin Hai: How about I give you some carrots?
Yu Tu: What is a carrot?
Lin Hai: …
Fishing out a dollar from his pocket, Lin Hai bought the carrot and continued to negotiate with Yu Tu.
Lin Hai: Don’t you rabbits eat carrots regularly?
Yu Tu: Great Immortal, you must be joking. Those in the High Heavens only eat pills and drink dew. Those above the Golden Celestial Realm can even eat Wang Mu Niang Niang’s peaches, but I’ve never heard of carrots before.
[Crap, turns out the High Heavens didn’t have carrots, this is great!]
Lin Hai: “The beauty of carrots can rival those of peaches. Once you eat it, you will definitely not be able to stop. Oh right, how do I send you things?”
Lin Hai just realized that he hasn’t sent anyone anything from the Mortal Realm before.
Yu Tu: Just scan it directly. Great Immortal, your questions are all very strange.
Lin Hai found a quiet corner and scanned the carrot using his phone.
You sent a carrot to Yu Tu!
Success!
Lin Hai’s hands were empty.
Lin Hai: Wash it before you eat it!
Yu Tu: Great Immortal, I can’t believe you sent me something that is as precious as a peach. I am so touched and I will definitely remember your generosity. (A string of crying emojis)
Lin Hai’s skin crawled.
Lin Hai: It’s alright, hurry up and eat it
[Fuck…] Lin Hai felt bad for lying to a rabbit.
Lin Hai clicked on the money pouch icon and checked the description of the Resurrection Pill.
Resurrection Pill: Lord Lao Zi and Flower Boy’s experiment. The effect is weak when used by mortals …
Collect!
A sweet-smelling golden pill appeared in Lin Hai’s hand.
“Lin Hai, how dare you lie to me. Don’t you dare run away!” Someone shouted angrily.
Lin Hai turned around.
“Eh, Baldie Qiang is back?” Lin Hai smirked. “How timely!”
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Why Resurrection Pill??