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Translator: Nonon
Proofreader: Silavin
(POV: Violet)
“…”
I was worrying about what to do in front of Lord Clo’s room.
After coming this far, I was starting to hesitate. If I opened this door, there would be no coming back.
Besides… Did Lord Clo even find me attractive to begin with?
After all, I’m neither affable nor cute and I can’t even look His Highness straight in the eyes. But I must make up my mind and enter inside.
Calm down. I think I just have to look at him with upturned eyes and approach him slowly. I’ve also heard that I should show as much skin as possible. If I do that, men should do the rest… or so I think.
I’m a noble. I must fulfill my duty, even if no one sees me ――
◆
“I hate the current you.”
That’s why, my head went blank when I was told this.
I thought that I was prepared. Whether it was rejection or giving up my virginity, I was sure that I’d be firm.
But the word ‘hate’ wounded my heart way more than I had expected. I learned that some words cut deeper exactly because they’re so simple.
―― Do I lack charm as a woman, after all?
That’s right, let’s back down.
Just like when I lost the duel. If you are not wanted, just leave.
Will I be able to forget this by tomorrow?
Forget it, act my role, mature, train myself, polish myself. Even so, there were times when I was overtaken, but if I didn’t do all this, I would fall even more.
I have to make sure that I don’t fall further. I must fulfill my duties as a noble.
Forget about being abandoned by His Highness and the others, act your role without showing your sadness, mature at your job as the lady of the ducal family, train so you can stand alongside His Highness and polish yourself so the people around won’t say that you only have your status.
Do it all over from now on – for just that?
“My apologies, Lord Clo. Please forget about today—“
“Lady Violet!”
“—Mnn?!”
When I tried to leave and return to my room, Lord Clo suddenly pinched my cheeks with one hand.
Eh, huh, what? What’s his purpose in holding my cheeks with his hand? Won’t I end up looking unsightly at this point?
“It’s time you looked me in the eyes already.”
The eyes? What is he talking about so suddenly?
What’s wrong with Lord Clo’s eye- wait, were his eyes always blue? … It’s strange. I feel like I’m seeing Lord Clo’s eyes for the first time.
“You certainly did something stupid.”
And, Lord Clo continued talking while maintaining his posture.
“You intimated all the women that approached His Highness Vermillion, ignored His Highness’ words, strongly struck the girl who His Highness might have liked hard and unable to forgive that girl, you challenged her to a duel at the ball as the end of the semester, only to end up losing to His Highness and his entourage.”
Why does Lord Clo know that?
Was he already told what I had done? Somebody who knows the details of what happened must be somebody from the academy or my father… if that’s the case, why go so far…
“Also, you had lackeys but you had no friends, right?”
“How rude. I had… one friend at least.”
“Have you not declared to them to not act overly friendly with you?”
… Why does he know?
No, I don’t need friends to start with. Nobles have no need for friends, they only need accomplices with aligning interests. If the easily disposable people who offer something and the people who demand something get together and manage their relationship, that’s all that matters.
That’s how nobles are. No matter how it might look, they must do their duty.
“You’re a haughty daughter of the duke who borrowed His Highness’ authority and,”
“…”
“Discriminated against people due to their social status
“…”
“And your nickname is an amethyst paper plane, because you run wild on your own and also crash on your own.”
Hey, that’s the first time I’m hearing that.
What’s with that? I had that kind of a nickname…? Or rather, what do amethyst and paper have to do with each other?
“…Shut up. What do you even-!
“Listen.”
“Ghph!?”
I wanted to tell him, ‘Don’t talk as if you understand me. What do you even know?’ and move his hand away, but after avoiding me, Lord Clo made a turn and this time held my cheeks with both palms.
Was that one turn really necessary?
“However,”
Suddenly, Lord Clo’s eyes became gentler.
… What is it about those eyes? They contain the feelings I’d rarely gotten before, the somewhat nostalgic feelings.
“Sacrificing yourself for something or someone is more painful than words can describe.”
Someone. Something.
I have worked hard for His Highness, for the ducal family and for this country. I never doubted that it was for my own sake. Because it’s been drilled into me that it was the reason I was born.
Then will you deny all that?
Will you say that I should have worked hard for myself?
That it was okay to have shown my vulnerability?
Are you planning to say something so basic?
How stupid and truly boring. Don’t you dare spout something like that. More than that would be――
“Even more so if it resulted in rejection by that ‘someone’.”
Please. Don’t say anything more.
“However, please don’t deny the effort you have put in after coming to love them.”
Ah, but, I see. I — the current me, wanted to be recognized by someone.
Is that all it was? What a simple, childish thing.
I wanted them to tell me that my actions that came from my pride as the duke’s daughter weren’t wrong.
“You should be proud.”
So don’t hate yourself. I hate the current you, who hates herself. Lord Clo said.
I was rejected by His Highness and the people around me, so I wanted somebody to be by my side. I was desperate and too caught up in the idea that if I had made a connection with my husband, I would not be alone.
I avoided looking my partner in the eyes and might’ve been okay with literally anybody.
Lord Clo must have seen through that… rumors really can’t be trusted.
“—thank you, Lord Clo.”
“No, I’m happy if I was of some help, even a little.”
My cheeks were released.
He was holding them pretty strongly so I wouldn’t escape, so they were tingling. Now that I think about it, this might’ve been the first time I was touched by the opposite sex like this… I wonder if this is what they mean when they say that they’ve been damaged by the men.
“… For now, I’d like you to wear clothes.”
、
I thought I missed what Lord Clo said in a whisper— but when I saw him blushing and looking away, I remembered how I currently looked.
Certainly, my current appearance is a bit… no, but.
“But, um, today is still our wedding night. – will you make love to me?”
“I will not!”
As expected, I was still rejected.
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